Unremarkable

Using the power of personal narrative, my work attempts to make sense of the nightmares that have consumed my life living with an invisible chronic illness. “Unremarkable” is the word used to describe my medical test results evaluating my body with fibromyalgia. This word so accurately and inaccurately described my experience but has ultimately been burned into my brain, impacted my identity, and fueled my need for answers. Combining highly detailed areas next to expressionistic paint strokes, I reflect on the moments of chaos and control in my life.

Confusion, hallucinations, bursts of energy, changes of consciousness, and agitation are among the 38 listed side effects on the medication that I was told would solve all of my Fibromyalgia symptoms. Medication induced mania turned to derealization, placing me in an uncanny world that had remnants of the spaces I once knew. Painted figures demanding to be seen in the darkness parallel coming out of the non-epileptic seizures and dissociated episodes. Radiant color expresses the vibrancy of my distorted reality. Using paint as the vehicle, this body of work shows the visual decay of my identity as I swing between ability and disability.

I believe that there is an “Every man for himself” mentality that overtakes our society where the question of “Why should I care?” is posed constantly. Reaching for something more than sympathy, I invite my audience to come along on this uncomfortable journey, experience empathy, and challenge the idea that pain and suffering has to be hidden and dealt with in solitude.